It's useless.
What's the point?
There is no point.
You're never going to be good enough.
You're never going to get what you want.
You're never going to get everything done.
You're always going to be fat.
You'll never be perfect.
You'll never succeed.

This is a shorter version of something i read on one of your blogs today, and while reading it, i began to believe it. The first word i thought of once i had finished reading?

NO.

We all feel like this sometimes. We think that we will never get there, that we do not deserve to get there. But I'll let you in on a little secret, the failures we face along the way are there to remind us that this isn't easy. If it was, everyone could do it. But it's not. We are perfectionists, with our highest critic being ourselves. We all have the strength to get where we want in life, it's simply a matter of finding said strength. You can be anyone you want to be, you simply have to try.

If i let my mistakes from today, dictate what happens tomorrow, i would never get anywhere. Don't dwell on your mistakes, look at them, shake your head, and move on. If you make them again, try again.

Today was a bad day for me. Stupid french teacher and her nice, extremely unhelpful ideas. She decided that she would turn her french room into a cafe so we could practice our french by ordering things in french. There was real food.

And so since i failed so early in the morning, i spent the rest of the day thinking oh well, I've already failed, what does it matter? It does matter. A lot. And its something i should have realised earlier.

Stay Strong, Live Life, and never give up.
Xx. Lillie

And so she came home from ballet and was so exhausted that she fell on her bed and went to sleep.
But now I'm awake again and am looking forward to today, I just know that today's going to be a good day. I don't have any ballet this afternoon so I think I'll go for a run, something I haven't had time to do for a long time, and I miss it. I love to just escape the company of everyone but myself and just surround my head with my thoughts and my music :)

Last week I went to a friends house, and didn't feel like going home, so I simply went for a walk. I walked all around my neighbourhood, just thinking about whatever popped into my head. It was the most enjoyable thing I did that day.

I have to get ready for school so longer post later.

Stay strong, live life, and remember, today is going to be a good day.
Xx. Lillie.

Today was alright. A small failure, but on the whole a good day.
I have french homework to do, and im off to ballet soon, so longer post later today, i promise.
Xx. Lillie

We are all stronger than we suppose.

There are no excuses left.

There are no excuses for my lack of posts, i can always find time.
But time is not the problem.
I am.

My moods swing like a pendulum. One minute i decide that i should just throw in the towel, that i am not strong enough for this. The next minute, in a sudden burst of positivity, i realize that i can, if i only try.

I fear my wardrobe. I just can't face the feeling of tight clothes, clothes that used to be loose on me.

I looked down at my legs yesterday. Faint purple lines streaked my thighs, stretch marks, something i swore to myself i would never have to deal with, each one a painful reminder of my many failures. It was a wake-up call. A reminder that i cannot have it both ways. All the ridiculous excuses I've served myself, all the justifications for my failures, they mean nothing. The harsh reality is that i am slipping further and further away from the person i aim to become, and ever closer to the person i fear becoming.

I am determined not to let this beat me, it is a competition, a contest between myself. If i can win this, i can win anything.

Stay Strong, Live Life, and please don't forget me like i forgot myself.
Xx. Lillie

POSITIVITY HAS RETURNED TO MY UNIVERSE. (finally)

Hello.
I am so sorry for leaving you for so long.
I don't like to write when im not in a good mood.
I have been flailing around in the water for too long, it's time i learnt to swim.
New Haircut, new attitude :)

(photo deleted)

Let me know what you think :)

Stay Strong, Live Life, and keep that head above water :)
Xx. Lillie

Oops, Easter slip up :/
Oh well.
Sorry for the short posts, I think a long one is desperately overdue..
Stay strong, live life, and be happy, it is Easter after all :)
Xx. Lillie.