The New Plan:

1. No junk food. At all. Not that I really eat that much of it anyway.
2. Peppermint tea must be drunk before eating food after class.
3. Daily exercise.
4. Lots of water.

I'm not going to eat tomorrow.

Finally.

I am finally back on track.

I woke up this morning and thought "I'm not hungry". For the first time in weeks I didn't feel the need to buy masses of food in the supermarket.
I'm finally back on the road to success.

It's going to take some time, but I know I can get there.

I went shopping today. I bought a ridiculous hat, which i adore, and a pair of pants to hide the fat clinging to my thighs until it melts away. I had fun.

You are all stronger than you think, never forget that.

Xx. Lillie

Ps. Stay tuned for my first interesting post in a while, a long note about why I hate that in today's society, you must be with someone at all times, otherwise you're considered a loner. Coming soon to a blog near you!

Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat.

I had the most amazing week, which I might go into if this dark cloud above my head ever shifts.

Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat.

I don't want to be the fat one.

Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat.

I hate that I'm not strong enough to do this.

Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat Fat.




















FAT.

The cat's out of the bag..

I told someone.

I don't really know why. I guess I just felt that it was time. Luckily, she is a beautiful friend, who has some issues of her own (not ED related) and she'd shared so much which me that I felt it was time to let go to the secret I'd been holding onto for so long. I know she won't tell a soul.

On another note, my determination has returned in leaps and bounds. I know what I have to do, and that I will do it. I hate looking back at previous posts and reading the same thing over and over and over again. How this time, this time things will be different. How I'll become a new person overnight. How everything will change from here-on in.

People WILL notice me when I return. I refuse to let my life be ruled by something so trivial.
I am the person I want to be, it's time the outside shell that contains me reflected that.

Stay Strong, Live Life, and Never Give Up.

Ever.

It's hard to accept yourself as someone that you don't want to be.

It's hard to accept yourself as someone
You don't desire.
As someone
You don't want to be.



I refuse to accept.
A new life begins tomorrow.
I hate what I've become, and I refuse to let it rule my life.

I will change.

And it begins now.

This is it.

I have the plan, I've found the willpower. It's time I grew up and became the person I ought to be.

if.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

It is Saturday night, which means that tonight, I shall make use of the folder I bought a week ago and plan. Plan and plan until everything is set into place. And then, I begin.

One week.

One whole week. Well, five days.
Five days filled to the brim with food.
I ate more in five days than I usually do in two weeks.
The week in one word: BINGE.

Oh well.
At least it's out of my system now.
I look like a whale, and not the cute kind.

Every fat cell in my body is screaming FAILURE at me, but I'm not going to listen.
I refuse to be the failure that so many others become. I refuse to say to myself "This is all too hard. I'll just give in and end up the size of a house." The only real failure is to stop trying, and that is one thing I will never do.

I have to stop consuming before it consumes me.
I know I can do this.