48.5 :)
I knew I could do this :)

Hello!
If you're wondering, the ballet performances were great :)

I'm so sorry I haven't posted for so long, but I don't like to post when I'm failing. :(
my friend arrives tomorrow, and I am at my HIGHEST weight EVER. It's holidays now so no ballet means that some of what I will be losing In the two weeks to come will just be muscle mass, but i dont really mind, just so long as it COMES OFF and quickly :) which I know it will, because this is easy. 49.5. It was more than enough to shock me back into reality, where being thin doesn't come from eating as much as you want. I miss the days where I saw 44.5 on the scale, and I will get back there, all I need is a little patience and a heap of determination. My goal is to get down to at least 46 during the twelve days of holidays I have now. Three and a half kilos... Easy stuff.

Stay strong, live life, and leave me some lovely comment to help me lose this weight once and for all :)
Love you all.
Xx. Lillie.

Sorry no posts..
No time...
My ballet performance is today.
Cinderella here I come :)
Wish me luck!!
Xx.

Home, Hair and HOLIDAYS (almost)

No time to make this a long post :(
I have an english essay to write and then ballet rehearsals ALL weekend.
I am almost ready to collapse by the end of them, and today's rehearsal is going to be a KILLER.
Oh well, its only one week until the performance now (eek!)

Oh! It's also one week until i chop all my hair off!!
Well, not ALL of it. Just MOST of it.
The dye i put in it has faded.. its gone from dark dark brown to... ORANGE. eek. ew.
And the worst thing is i just have to sit it out and wait until it all grows out.
I can't get the dye removed by the hairdresser because my hair is still falling out from the dye in the first place, and i really don't think that dumping ANOTHER load of chemicals on my head is going to help.
I wish I'd never dyed it, my hair has always been thin but now its SUPER thin, and i have no choice but to sit it out.
Oh, and to make matters worse my hair is the SLOWEST GROWING hair you have ever seen. And im not exaggerating.
Ugh, sorry this post was meant to be a positive one (and also a short one if i remember correctly)
I'm just a little frustrated at my hair right now...
That's why I'm getting it cut. It's going to be just above my shoulders, i can't go any shorter otherwise i won't be able to put it up in a bun for ballet. Anyway, its only a week until holidays, and then I'm going to get so skinny that it won't matter what my hair looks like.

Stay Strong, Live Life, and Keep Smiling :)
Xx. Lillie

Stressed.
And missing your comments :(

One and a half weeks left of school for this term, it seems to be going FOREVER.
I'm still the same weight.
And still worried about being the same weight.
But i eat, i wish i didn't.
One week...
One week until i can stop this stupid charade and just go back to not eating.
One week until all this stress is gone.
One week seems like too long.

One of my friends is coming back from boarding school soon...
The one whom o love very dearly, but the one who always makes little remarks...
One minute she'll say things like "omg I wish I was as thin as you" and then the next day she'll say things like "you know you're not really as thin as everyone thinks you are". I suspect she has a little green eyed monster on her shoulder, one that likes to aim it's little green eyes at me...

BUT. I have gained since she last saw me. So...
Abc is off, my ballet timetable is just too demanding for me to continue, unless I want to collapse
sometime in the near future that is... So, abc has been put away in the "holiday plans" box.

Anyway, I have two weeks until this friend of mine returns...
Two weeks to get down to 45. I would love to get down to 43 but that probably won't happen. Then again...

Love you all :)

Stay strong, live life, and remember to smile :)
Xx. Lillie.

No i have not fallen off the face of the Earth, i have merely been in a hazy, subconscious state, induced by lack of sleep.

No sleep sucks :(
No sleep means you have to eat just to get through the day.
No sleep means you can barely stay standing during ballet rehearsals because you are so tired.
No sleep means you forget dance steps.
No sleep means your brain doesn't function properly.
No sleep means your brain is too tired to worry about the number that appears on the scale.

I will never take sleep for granted again. Luckily, i am back to normal, im pretty sure i can sleep again, my brain just wouldn't shut down, and would get me stressed about things that don't even exist...

BUT. I am back now. Stupid sleepless nights interrupted my second attempt at Abc...
Oh well, some things just can't be helped.
If anyone wants to begin abc *again* with me tomorrow, feel free :)

Longer post later, im off to ballet (again) :)
Stay Strong, Live Life, and remember that sometimes, its ok to sit awhile before dusting yourself off and beginning again.
Xx. Lillie