There are no excuses left.

There are no excuses for my lack of posts, i can always find time.
But time is not the problem.
I am.

My moods swing like a pendulum. One minute i decide that i should just throw in the towel, that i am not strong enough for this. The next minute, in a sudden burst of positivity, i realize that i can, if i only try.

I fear my wardrobe. I just can't face the feeling of tight clothes, clothes that used to be loose on me.

I looked down at my legs yesterday. Faint purple lines streaked my thighs, stretch marks, something i swore to myself i would never have to deal with, each one a painful reminder of my many failures. It was a wake-up call. A reminder that i cannot have it both ways. All the ridiculous excuses I've served myself, all the justifications for my failures, they mean nothing. The harsh reality is that i am slipping further and further away from the person i aim to become, and ever closer to the person i fear becoming.

I am determined not to let this beat me, it is a competition, a contest between myself. If i can win this, i can win anything.

Stay Strong, Live Life, and please don't forget me like i forgot myself.
Xx. Lillie