Food for today:

2/3 of a slice of bread

1 avocado sushi roll

Lettuce & Balsamic Vinegar

4 Almonds.

All up around 350?

Im estimating here because i have no idea how much the bread was...

I look at that list and think, well it's not that much.

But im wondering why i feel like i failed?

Still, i suppose you have to have bad days to have good days, otherwise everything would just be the same, and wouldn't that be boring!

Getting my wall painted soon, a lovely blue colour :)

Unfortunately it meant i had to take down my display.

Allow me to explain: Daddy dearest had all these frames, so i took them and created a display in each one of people i admire. I plan to make more, but so far the list consists of:

Anna Pavlova

A famous ballet dancer who revolutionized the design of the modern-day pointe shoe. Tragically, she developed an injury and she had to choose between living and dancing. There was no choice for her, ballet was her everything.

Agatha Christie (Queen of Crime)

An infamous crime writer who overcame the hurdles posed against female writers and the emotional pain of a cheating husband to claim the record for best-selling author of all time.

Michael Jackson

Now known as the King of Pop, Michael was truly incredible. He overcame racism, revolutionized the making of video clips and donated millions to charities, as well as starting one himself (The Heal the World foundation).

Not to mention his indescribable voice and phenomenal dance moves.

He was able to convey more emotion through his songs than anyone else ever had before him, and ever will again, and sang straight from his heart. There will never be another able to equal his talents and achievements, and as long as his music is kept alive, so is he.

R.I.P Michael Jackson.

Amelia Earhart: First female to fly around the world.

Ray Charles: A truly inspirational person, who let nothing stand in the way of his music.

There are more, but I'm not going to list them all.

This wall is what inspires me more than anything else. These are people who never gave up, no matter what obstacles appeared in their way.

People who poured their heart and soul into what they believed in, and never looked back.

Stay Strong, Live Life, and Never Give up Hope.

Xx. Lillie

You know, i think this whole Abc thing is working not because it's such a great diet, but because i refuse to eat up to the calories im supposed to. Today i was meant to eat 350cals. I had maybe 50cals of tomato soup and half a sushi roll (mother dearest bought it for me, had to eat some of it). The weird thing was, i didn't feel hungry at all. I felt full, iv been feeling full all day, which is really strange. Family is all having dinner soon, but its gonna be pretty easy to get out of, it always is. My family isn't one to all sit down and do the whole "dinner is family time thing".

Im so happy right now its strange. I'm not eating because iv finally realised that in the end, it's not worth it, that achieving my goals gives greater a satisfaction and sense of elation than food ever could. The success i feel now is incredible, and im going to make it last.

Stay Strong, live life and never forget how special you are.

Xx. Lillie

Day three went well :)

Am happy as a lark :)

My weight is zooming down, and my levels of happiness are zooming up thanks to a new certain someone :)

If i could share my motivation at the moment with all of you, i wouldn't hesitate to do so, it comes to me in bountiful quantities.

The future is full of hope, and a thinner me :)

Stay Strong, Live Life :)

Xx. Lillie

Missing your comments :(

Day Two of ABC and all is brilliant.

Two days down, 48 to go with ABC.
Only two and a half weeks until i go back to school...
I really hope that's enough time to make a noticeable difference.
I want to be able to walk into that school with my head held high, knowing that i made it.
I want them to see the difference.

My calorie intake for today is about 120, and that's it for today.
After i finish typing this im going to clean my room to within an inch of it's life (although looking round, it's pretty clean already) and then i'll clean the rest of the house. I feel so motivated right now its amazing. I know that what i want is attainable, as long as i have the strength and willpower to keep going.


I've never told you, i don't know why
But all those years, and all those lies
Cling to my body like oil and fire.
They will not sleep, they will not tire.

So we have a problem you see my dear
Cos i can't move on but i can't stay here
I've gotta fix it, leave the tears
And mostly now i need your ears

Cos iv gotta tell you,
I need you to know
You saved me from ruin when you took hold
You showed me the truth in the lies I'd been told
So im finally getting off this dusty road.

Back Home

I flew home after a week away today. Unfortunately, the person I was staying with was a nutritionist, so it was literally impossible to avoid eating. All that food, ugh. I feel like such a failure. I missed a lot of things while I was away, but most of all I missed, and still miss the empty feeling in my stomach that I love so much. They also didn't have wireless Internet, so I couldn't write on my blog, or read any of yours, and I missed all of your company dearly. I missed being able to talk to people who understand rather than ridicule.

Anyway, I reluctantly decided to postpone my new years resolutions until I got back from my "holiday". Which means that as of tomorrow I will become the perfect little Ana that I strive to be, beginning with the abc diet, if any of you want to join me, you're most welcome :)

I can feel the extra pounds I gained dragging me down, and that other little nagging voice "eat, it can't do any harm, you know you want it, just take it, what harm could it do?". I'll tell you what harm it does, it reverses all the hard work you've done so far, it bashes Ana to the back of my mind,and does its best to make you as heavy it possibly can.
Luckily, the minute I got back home, ana was back again, Reprimanding me, and screaming at the other voice until it disappeared completely.
Welcome home.
Xx.

Because inevitably, what you used to be,

Will be tainted by the hand of curiosity,

And you will never, no you will never

See with just your eyes again.

And this is the day that everything changes

And your world stops turning

Running straight into the brake lights

You've come to nothing

This is the day, that everything changes,

And your worlds collide

You know in time, you'll wake to find

You're a little unbroken.

So how can i explain

The isolated rain that follows you

And wouldn't you agree running always slows you down

So welcome the pain

Stop yourself from delaying it

Because the real life, will never go away.