No i have not fallen off the face of the Earth, i have merely been in a hazy, subconscious state, induced by lack of sleep.

No sleep sucks :(
No sleep means you have to eat just to get through the day.
No sleep means you can barely stay standing during ballet rehearsals because you are so tired.
No sleep means you forget dance steps.
No sleep means your brain doesn't function properly.
No sleep means your brain is too tired to worry about the number that appears on the scale.

I will never take sleep for granted again. Luckily, i am back to normal, im pretty sure i can sleep again, my brain just wouldn't shut down, and would get me stressed about things that don't even exist...

BUT. I am back now. Stupid sleepless nights interrupted my second attempt at Abc...
Oh well, some things just can't be helped.
If anyone wants to begin abc *again* with me tomorrow, feel free :)

Longer post later, im off to ballet (again) :)
Stay Strong, Live Life, and remember that sometimes, its ok to sit awhile before dusting yourself off and beginning again.
Xx. Lillie

The more observant ones among you may have noticed that i have deleted some of the goal weights i have reached since starting this blog. I have been kidding myself for way too long. When i began this blog, i had already lost four kgs (9 pounds) during the holidays, and all of that was muscle mass. While on holidays, i got down to 44.5, and felt great. Now im back at school, and back at ballet, my weight is also back, and stubbornly hanging around 48 kgs. I hate this. I really hate this. And so, instead of allowing this realisation ruin my mood, i am going to do something about it. This is where Abc steps in...

I was meant to start it on Monday, but i stuffed up today. I really stuffed up.
Oh well. i am RESTARTING tomorrow, and i am going to stick to it, simply because i know i can, and am determined to prove to myself that i am not the epic failure that i was today.

A few hiccups, but im getting there... slowly but surely i'm getting there, all it takes is time. Time, determination and patience. You can't expect to see results overnight, but as long as you know you can do it, nothing can hold you back. So, here's to a new beginning, a future where failure doesn't exist. Who's with me??
Stay Strong, Live Life, and be patient, one day you will be able to look back and be able to say
"I did it."
Xx. Lillie

Day Two and all is well...

Oh, except i couldn't get to sleep last night.
Which is weird because usually i fall asleep so easily...
It was like my brain wouldn't shut down...
I would close my eyes and all i could do was think of a million things at once...
Not good.
Hopefully tonight is better...
Stay Strong, Live Life, and good luck :)
Xx. Lillie

Abc, here I come.

Oh, i did forget something.
I need someone to text.
Pretty please??
Someone who knows what its like, and who can tell me to
PUT THE PEANUT BUTTER DOWN.
hehe.
So if you want, comment, leave your email and I'll send you my number.
We shall be great friends :)
(unfortunately you have to live in Australia and be on telstra, otherwise this aint gonna worky...)
Love you all.
Stay Strong Live Life, and help me to PUT THE PEANUT BUTTER DOWN.

Ps. Just to let you know, my weight had soared with the increased ballet...
Damn muscle mass.
Oh well, at least it's not fat mass

Another pic, just to humanize me to the blogging population... :)

Xx. Lillie

Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum.
Hmph.

Now that that's out of the way...
I'm starting again. again.

Yesterday is now in the past, and there's nothing i can do to change it now, so im doing the next best thing.
Starting again.

Ever had one of those days where you just wish you could do it all over again?
Well, one of those days was yesterday. But lets move on, shall we?

My ballet timetable has increased to almost every day of the week for the next three weeks (performances, performances)
Which will keep me busy i suppose.
It always seems that my school finds the most inappropriate times to give us new assignments.
I have the usual amount of homework while ballet is normal, but once performances start poking their heads around the corner, i have to be a ever-energetic superhero to get through the workload. Oh well, I'll find a way, i usually do :)

Now where was i?
Oh yes, starting again.
I think my problem is that i get lonely quite easily.
I'm not really into hanging out with friends every second of every day, i tried that for one weekend, and turned into a cross between King Kong and Mr Annoyed, meaning well but just getting irritated instead.
When i have the house to myself, sometimes i love it, but sometimes i wish i had a second me to talk to.
Someone who knew everything that i knew about me, and everything else.
Instead, i decide to act like a normal person.
What would a normal person do, i ask myself.
Eat. Most of my friends eat. A lot. Most of the time. That's just the way they are.

Except one, who i know has an eating disorder, but not EDNOS, or anorexia, or bulimia.
What's that, you say?
There's another?
Well, technically its not yet actually classified as an eating disorder, but I'm pretty sure it will be soon enough.
It's called Orthorexia. It's where a person is obsessed with eating healthy. My friend has always been a health nut. But since high school she's become vegetarian, then vegan, and now barely eats anything other than rice crackers, ryvitas, fruit and vegetables. And is thoroughly obsessed with exercise. Sometimes i wish i was like her, always always able to say no to the crap other people eat. I would like to think that she is not always like that, that she slips up and stuffs her face with junk, but she doesn't.

Oh well, in a way it helps, because when i am with her i can never bring myself to eat.

Anyway, this post is long enough already.
And i have two english essays and a history assignment to finish...
BUT, I'm starting again, and this time, it's going to last.
I'm not sure why, but i know that it will.

Stay Strong, Live Life, and don't be afraid to let go of the past and make a fresh start.
Love you all, and your wonderful comments, oh, and before i forget, i know i don't comment much, but im gonna make an effort, so expect to hear from me on your own blogs in the near future. :)
Xx. Lillie (the begin againerer)

Bad Day.
Very Bad Day.
No enthusiasm for writing.
Fail.