Still in a State of Shock

One of my best friends tried to kill herself on Wednesday. Apart from her family, I'm the only one that knows. My hands are still shaking so I won't keep writing now.

Sorry for being away so long, things get hectic.

Xx. Lillie

And so...

The plan starts today. I'll add in little things as I go along. At the moment I've altered it to:

Breakfast: Coffee and an Orange

Lunch: Two dry Crackers

After Classes: Egg White Omelette

Dinner: Tea, Tuna/an Orange/Two dry Crackers.

Hmm...

I shall see how this goes.

Wish me luck! (and sorry for the mind-numbingly boring post)

I had a horrible day yesterday. I don't really even know why. Maybe I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, but for now..

Stay Strong, Live Life and Be Happy, because every single one of you deserves to.

Xx. Lillie

Hashimotonono.

I think.. I need a new plan.

I'm exhausted. It's more to do with the fact that the silly doctor keeps trying to lower the dosage of my medication for Hashimotos. Face it doc, my thyroid is never going to start working at full capacity again, so kindly please stop zapping me of all energy and making me gain a ridiculous amount of weight for no reason. In other words, STOP MESSING WITH MY METABOLISM! Thankyou.

I think I need a plan. The problem with not having a plan is that things always seem to make their way into my mouth.. So no more go with the flow.

Breakfast: Coffee and an Orange/egg white omelette.

Lunch: Two crackers of my choice

After classes: Tea, Two fruits/vegetables.

Dinner: Nothing, or another cracker.

Hmm.. I shall write that down in some sort of code and keep it in my pocket.

Oh, and I had a ballet performance on the weekend. I think it went well.

I shall have to write a more interesting post tonight.

Au revoir.

Xx. Lillie

The ramblings of someone soon to have a caffeine deficit.

I'm conveniently skipping over what I had for dinner last night. I'll just say it concerned family friends and pizza. Oh joy.

Having said that, my next ballet performance is on Friday and Saturday night. Three hours of ballet class and rehearsals today, tech rehearsal tomorrow, dress rehearsal on Thursday and the the Performance! I'm not a huge fan of performing, but I am a little excited about this one.

To answer your questions, I've been doing ballet since I was three. That makes me sound like a professional, but really I'm not that good. I dance as part of a ballet company.

I've just finished my morning cup of coffee. I decided last night that I'm going to cut back on my coffee intake. More green tea and lemon, less caffeine.

I'll see how I go today, but I think I'll have an apple for a snack, capsicum for lunch and tuna or some crackers before ballet. Something else will sneak its way in, it always does, but hopefully nothing too disastrous.

I've worked out that I need to eat something between classes during the day. Otherwise I end up getting food off my friends and eating way more than I planned to anyway. Not good. So from today, I'm only eating food that I've brought with me.

Here's to getting thin!

Xx. Lillie

YOGAYOGAYOGA

I went to yoga yesterday. I'd forgotten how wonderful it was!

Today is the day. I've had coffee for breakfast. I'm not eating in between classes, I'll have some tuna before I go to ballet and then tea before I go to bed. Voila! Let's hope I ca stick to it, but I think I will.

It's so nice to be back from overseas and back to ballet. I'm constantly sore, my muscles scream at me after most classes, but that's just what you get when you go away for four months. My muscles are slowly coming back. I feel stronger and stronger every day, both emotionally and physically, and I love it.

My little sister's getting fatter. Is it so wrong that I'm just a little bit chuffed? I always used to be the thinner one. Then I grew up and got Hashimoto's and it all went downhill from there. But not for much longer. If I can do this, it won't be long before I'm the thinnest once again.

I have science lectures all day today, and then english in the afternoon. Not a bad day.

Ah, and my friend and I like the same guy, but more on that later.

Stay Strong, Live Life, Be Happy.

Xx. Lillie

On Returning and Tetris.

And I'm back. I knew I wouldn't be away for long.

Right now I feel like ramming my head into a brick wall. I feel like punching anything and everything. Not for any particular reason, just all the little things that have amounted to something big throughout the day.

Have you ever thought that life is an awful lot like playing tetris?

Sometimes you're the piece that fits everywhere easily.

Sometimes you're the piece that doesn't seem to fit anywhere.

Sometimes you don't see where you need to be until it's almost too late.

Sometimes you don't see until it is too late.

Sometimes other pieces join together to disappear into a world of their own.

Sometimes you do too, only to find yourself in yet another game.

And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can't fit everything in.

I'll write more soon,

Tomorrow I begin yet another quest to be flawless. I've begun so many times I've lost count.

But I'll try, just as I always do, to make this beginning my last.

Here's to fitting in, tetris-wise and in the real world.

Xx. Lillie

Missing in Action.

I know I've been away.

I can assure you I will be back sometime within the next two weeks. I just need to get a few things... sorted I guess.

But I am coming back.

I promise.

Love you all.

Xx. Lillie