FAIL

Uniform free day tomorrow... I'm going to look like a whale. :(

Hello hello hello

I ate. And ate. And ate.
I went to my friends house and made the chocolatiest chocolate chip cookies you've ever seen. So I ate them. My friends bought me valentines day lollies, so I ate them. Then I came home and my little sister made me pasta (she's jealous of my weight so she's always trying to make me eat, she has no idea about my Ed though) and I've just had pasta for dinner as well. So many calories! So much fat! I'm going to pay for it tomorrow.

Oh well. There are three apples in the fridge. Three apples for the next three days. This should be easy, it used to be, and will be again. We will show them all. Everyone who was thinner than us, everyone who admired as for our control, they don't even know the meaning of control, but they will, we will show it to them. Another setback just means I have to work harder, and harder still until I am happy, and I almost am, almost...

Stay strong, live life, and remember, it's not a failure if you acknowledge it and move on, never to go there again.
Xx. Lillie

Happy Valentines Day...

Happy Valentines day everyone :)

I like the feeling of happiness that surrounds today, but i also think its funny that so many people celebrate it as purely a happy day, and forget about the sadness of it. The broken hearts, the rejections, the plans gone wrong, they all happen on this day more than any other. Still, it's a day of celebration for love, in all its forms, puppy love, first love, last love, lost love, friend's love...

I'm off to celebrate with my closest friends, the ones that (unlike any boyfriend) i will love forever, no matter what happens or where we are.

Thankyou for reading my ramblings

Stay Strong, Live Life, and Share the Love :)

Xx. Lillie

Hey, sorry no time to make this long, off to ballet again..
Three day fast starting.... Now.
Anyone wanna join??
Stay strong, Live life, and don't make a fuss when your sister breaks her 3rd guitar string while trying to tune it again.
Xx. Lillie

Ballet

It feels to good to be back to ballet. Classes six days a week leaves just about no room for anything else, but it's worth it.
It's a part of my life where i am always in control. I work as hard as i possibly can ever class, and love every minute of it. It makes me feel beautiful, it clears the worry out of my head, friends, family, school, it's all gone, there's nothing left but me and the music. Back up, arms held, tailbone forward, constant corrections, the feeling like you are about to die by the end of it, it's what i do, and it's what i love.

On another note, HELLO to everyone that reads this, im so glad you do, and im especially glad for your wonderful comments :)
Im so sorry i haven't been writing as often as i probably should, but im back now, so expect a new post at least once every second day :)

Foodwise today was good as well, im so glad to be back :)
Xx. Lillie

I'm back, for good.

Yesterday, I was getting ready for ballet. I put on my tights and leotard and looked it the
mirror. What?? Since when have I become this huge! My thighs touch when I put my feet together, which is something that's never EVER happened to me before, my stomach, though starting to tone up nicely from being back at ballet is hidden by hideous layers of fat, and even my neck looked fatter. Ew. Earlier on that same day, I was talking to someone when they blurted out "gosh, you're so pretty". All I could think of how much prettier I'd be if I was just six kilos lighter.

Only liquids today to prove to myself that I am strong enough for this. Because that's what we are, strong. Stronger than most. We know what we want, we know our goals and we have the strength to get there. You guys are truly amazing, you really are.

Stay strong, live life, and follow your dreams.
Xx. Lillie

Ps. My parents are completely against the whole vitamin thing ("you should be getting enough from your food"). Anyone got any ideas of how I can help my hair without taking vitamins??

Missing in Action.

Lacking enthusiasm.

I dyed my hair and it all started falling out, scared me outta my wits!

I can bet you my hair is the thinnest you have ever seen, its always been like that, even before all of 'this stuff' began, so losing some of it is seriously scary stuff! It actually shocked me out of this whole thing.

I've been eating like a normal person again, not so much because i want to, but because there's no point in being thin if you have no hair left! It's mostly because of the hair dye (there's no way im doing that again!) but i have a feeling its been suffering from lack of nutrients as well. Its so weird willing myself to eat, but my hair is still really really weak and is still getting thinner, though not as rapidly as before. I've stopped straightening it, and am eating again to keep it healthy, but i just wish it would go back to the way it was. Im not bald or anything, but its noticeably thinner.

So i probably won't be posting much... i don't feel i deserve to when all of you are doing so well and i am eating huge amounts to keep hair in my head.

On the plus side im back at ballet, which means most of the extra kilos im seeing are just muscle mass. It's so nice to feel strong again. I'm finally getting my muscles back :)

Please Please Please get well soon my precious hair...

As for the rest of you,

Stay Strong, Live Life, and NEVER EVER dye your hair if it's as thin as mine.

Xx. Lillie