Missing in Action.

I know I've been away.

I can assure you I will be back sometime within the next two weeks. I just need to get a few things... sorted I guess.

But I am coming back.

I promise.

Love you all.

Xx. Lillie

Just too Busy!

Hello all!

I really have become a terrible blogger, it just seems that I run out of time. Although I suppose I could have written something last night while I struggled to get to sleep. For some unknown reason, some nights by bed just seems to be the worst place to sleep in the world. I just lie there for hours with thoughts wizzing in and out of my head so fast that i barely have time to think on them. So I ended up sleeping on the couch last night, which was rather nice actually. Any time I found myself thinking too much, I would just stare out the window and look at the stars.

I haven't got much time to write now, I'll be late for classes. I feel much more organised this term though. I have separate folders for everything etc.

On the food front, I've been doing well. Ah the wonders of fruit and veg. I have half a grapefruit and coffee in the morning, then sliced carrot as a snack. For lunch I have an apple and before I go to ballet I have a tin of tuna or some natural yoghurt. It's working out well. If I'm still hungry I'll nom away on a capsicum or something. Ok, now I'm really going to be late!

Toodles!

Xx. Lillie

Avoiding Blogger like the plague.

I always feel guilty writing on Blogger when I've fallen off the wagon AGAIN.

So let's not dwell on that.

I'm back in Australia now. I'm not really in the mood for writing now, so sorry for the incredibly mind-numbing post that is sure to follow.

The long and short of it? I'm fat. I hate it.

But I'm trying to do something about it.

I can, I want to, I will.

Time to start inching towards perfect.

Toodle-loo!

Xx. Lillie

Good Morrow Fellow Companions!

It's 2:37am. I leave to the airport in less than an hour.

Time is ticking away slowly. I don't want to leave, yet I don't want to stay. I'm in limbo.

So, what to do when you have nothing else to do? Post on Blogger of course!

I'm so nervous that I'm going to miss my flight, or that I'll get lost in the airport or something! Argh! Hopefully I'll make it home without any trouble.

I can't believe it, three months has gone in the blink of an eye.

In the sleep-deprived state that I am in, words aren't flowing as easily as they should, so I'll post again later when my brain is perhaps ticking a bit faster.

Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick away.

Another second lost with every fallen grain.

Wish me luck!

Xx. Lillie

Rambling.

The performance went well I guess.

It could have been better, and I wasn't entirely satisfied, but it's over now, and what's done is done. I didn't fall flat on my face or anything, which is always a bonus.

Today's Intake:

Breakfast: Two boiled eggs, coffee

Lunch: Nothing

After Classes: A nashi pear

It was a pretty good day overall actually.

Only two more days before I fly home.

I have essays to write. blugh.

However writing them seems infinitely more fun when I pretend I'm a CEO of a massive company writing up a presentation. Yay for pretending!

I don't know what I want to do when I finish school. I feel like I should probably choose soon. I was considering Med school, but I'm not sure. I know I'm smart enough, but I want a profession I know I will enjoy. I love writing presentations and planning things. I have an entire notebook filled with nothing but plans.

I have this little fantasy of living in a city, working in the corporate world. Buying coffee on the way to work, typing on a laptop doing who knows what, leaving work, going to the gym and then going home to my nice fancy apartment somewhere. I'll be very interested to see where I end up ten years from now. All I know at the moment, is that I want success, in every aspect of my life.

For now, I guess all I can do is make the best of each situation as it comes my way. I've resolved to stick my head down and start giving everything school related

my all. I've been surviving solely on my intelligence for too long now, it's time I started studying more and getting serious.

Essay on the Sudetenland Crisis of 1938, here I come.

Xx. Lillie

This is far from over, you haven't seen the last of me.

Just one of the positions I have to somehow pull off tomorrow morning.

I just discovered that my ballet teacher here used to have anorexia. She gave me her memory stick with her ballet music on it for me to copy. The first file on there was labelled "Anorexia Nervosa", I assumed it was just a powerpoint for health class or something, but my curiousity got the better of me. It had pictures of her, at both her fattest and thinnest weights.

Is it bad that it's only strengthened my resolve?

My ballet performance in front of the entire school is tomorrow. I know for a fact that I'm not ready. I'll give it all I've got but I know it will be far from perfect.

I'm eating a proper breakfast tomorrow to give me the strength to get through it. After that, no food until I get to the airport on Friday morning. If I have time, I'll grab a coffee before I get on the plane.

I love flying, it feels almost as though time has stopped when you're up in the clouds.

I'm still fat. The next three days will make a difference.

I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way.

I'm down now but I'll be standing tall again.

This is far from over, you haven't seen the last of me.

Xx. Lillie

A little epiphany

I've realised this weekend that I don't actually like eating food.

I like making it, and I like going out for food with friends, but I don't actually like eating it.

Why do I eat so much then?

Essentially, I think it makes me feel more grown up.

I have to snap out of this.

Today has not been a good day.

I tried, really tried to make myself throw up last night.

I couldn't do it.