Why is it that the things we want are always just out of reach?

I want someone who will always be there for me.

I have several of these people. But none are more than just friends.
I pretend like I don't really care, but the truth is that I hate being alone.
And this is the first time I've admitted it to myself, and to you.

When I return from overseas, the people from home won't know what hit them.
I will be a newer, better, and stronger person than the one they said goodbye to three months before.
And nothing, not even myself, is going to stand in the way of my image of -dare i say it, perfection.

I will be who I want to be. And I will look the way I want to look.
For myself, not for others.

This is it.
This is the one and only opportunity. And I will not screw it up.

This is it.

It seems like every promise I make to myself on this blog is broken within hours of writing it down.
This time, that will not be the case.

From now on, I refuse to make unrealistic promises to myself such as "I'm never going to eat junk food ever again. Ever." I'm only human, and like most other human beings, I am a chocolate fiend.
So now, I make one promise that I will keep.

I hereby make a promise to myself not to make unrealistic promises.

Tomorrow is also the day that I stop being fat, and begin on the road to thin.

My ideal plan goes something like this:

Breakfast: Two eggs
Lunch: Salad
Dinner: Salad.

Living in a boarding house is slightly frustrating, as I can't cook my own meals.
BUT. I really am determined to stick to this plan.
However if I don't, I'm not going to console myself with biscuit after biscuit. I shall drink my cup of peppermint tea (for those of you who haven't tried it, do, it's delicious) and think to myself "oh well, tomorrow's another day."

Stay Strong, Live Life, and never let go of your dreams.

Xx. Lillie

Goals Re-Assesment

I don't really have any goals concerning my life right now, I'm just sort of wafting through life at the moment.
So I thought I'd write down a list of goals here and see what sense I make of them.

1. To take more walks in the park when I get back from overseas and appreciate nature more.
2. To remove stress from my life altogether
3. To go to yoga at 6am on monday mornings when I get back
4. To eat more fresh, unprocessed foods (they taste better anyway)
5. To stop eating for the sake of eating.
6. To eat more slowly and enjoy my food.
7. To lay off the junk food (not that I really eat it anyway) Only small amounts of chocolate from now on.
8. To become more efficient when it comes to homework/assignments etc.
9. To finish all schoolwork during the week in order to leave the weekends free to give me some time to relax.

Sounds like a pretty good list to me.

My new goal weight is 46kgs, and once I get down to it 46kgs (or lower) I want to stay there.

I miss my ballet. All my muscle is slowly fading away. I'll be glad to get back into it and whip my body back into shape.

I'm quite happy with my list. Goodbye for now.

Xx. Lillie

TooBusyTooBusyTooBusy

Ahhh!
Schoolwork overload!

I promise I'll write a lovely LONG post this weekend, when I have time.

I had pancakes for breakfast this morning. I have decided that today will be my "Say goodbye to food day" I eat a little bit of everything I know I will want to eat by the bucketload when I'm, well, not eating. That way, I don't feel like it for a reeaallly long time. It's sort of an organised binge, if you will..

I really have to go now...

Stay Strong, Live Life, and have a little fun today.

Oh, I almost forgot, yesterday I went for a ran through a PINEAPPLE PLANTATION! It was so cool :)
Xx. Lillie

I eat too much too much too much.

I'm sitting here thinking "I eat too much."
And I do.

BUT NOT FOR ANY LONGER.
I've had two eggs for breakfast. Some rice for lunch and some rice for dinner.
and three cups of peppermint tea.
AND THAT'S IT.

Let's see how I go...

Happy Belated New Year..

Hello! Oh my god it's been so long.
Time's just run away. Or maybe I've just been too tired to catch it.

But I'm back again now. I don't have long to write as I have classes in about ten minutes...

For those of you who are interested, I'm now OVERSEAS!
On an International Exchange. And even though I'm super tired, I have decided that today's the day. I have a little less than three months before I go back home. And I want people to notice a difference.

My plan this time is sort of just a go with the flow one. Because I'm staying in a boarding house, it makes it a little trickier to plan meals. So, i eat small portions of whatever is there, and don't eat on Sundays. Sounds good to me.

I have to go, I'm so sorry I ran away for so long, more on way later.

I love you all and have missed you all dearly.

Stay Strong, Live Life and drink lots of peppermint tea (seriously, it's yum!)
Xx. Lillie

Wow. It's been a while.

Life has been... hectic, to say the least.

It seems that the universe has decided to play a joke on me in the form of irony.

Recently i found myself struggling to care about anything. Then, the front section of my neck began to swell up. To cut a long story short, i went to the doctor, underwent a series of blood tests and subsequently have been diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. An incurable disease which, among other things, slows down your metabolism, making you gain weight.

Basically, it's an autoimmune disease, which means that my body has decided to attack my thyroid gland and has rendered it incapable of producing enough of the hormones it's supposed to. So i have to take medication for the rest of my life to do the jobs that my thyroid gland is supposed to do. I'm too tired to go into it more, so google it if you're curious. The medication takes up to six weeks to begin to work. it will speed up my metabolism again among other things. It's been four weeks now, and i thought I was getting better. My parents took my sister and I on a ten day holiday, which was nice and helped me to conserve what little energy i had left. I don't think the dosage is high enough. I thought i was getting better, but now I'm back home, i have two separate ballet performances to perform in six days. The lump on my neck that was slowly disappearing is returning and i have no energy to do anything. I don't know how I'm going to get through the five hours of intensive ballet rehearsals i have to somehow make it through today. Or the six hours tomorrow for that matter. On top of it all i have school assignments that i have no time to do, and even if i did, i doubt i would have the energy to muster up something half legible. I had more blood tests yesterday, and have yet another doctor's appointment this Wednesday. And then sometime soon i have to meet with an endocrinologist.

I know what most of you are thinking, but there is no physical way that this disease is related to my somewhat borderline ED tendencies.

My Aunt is flying up to draw up some sort of diet plan for me the week after next (she's a naturopath and works in the medical field). She's suggesting i go gluten free. Which isn't all bad i suppose. I'll have a legitimate excuse for not eating "I can't, it contains gluten".

To add another complication, I've been accepted to go to an international school in Thailand for a semester next year, but if I'm not well enough i won't be able to go.

I just want this week to be over.


Still, by the time i was diagnosed it had been left undiagnosed for so long that the doctor who tested my blood took one look at the results though i must have been in a coma. If i could make it through that stage, i can make it through this week. I just want to get my life back on track.

It was my birthday yesterday.

Stay strong, Live life, and push through it all, there is always light at the end of a tunnel.
(It seems i should take my own advice)
Xx. Lillie.