Holidays have finally arrived, and along with it comes all this free time :)
That's one of the reasons I'm starting this blog, it kills time, plus i really like writing, and sharing my story with the world (even if no one reads it).
Me: Well, me is me. I play the piano, sing ALL the time and I love my bunch of hippyish music friends and the music we create together (i love writing my own songs).
I do ballet five days a week, and love every minute. But as it's holidays, there's no ballet either:(
Thats the bad thing about holidays, with no ballet, i feel so lazy doing nothing all day. I go running for about 7kms a day but i feel its not nearly enough. I don't eat much "junk" food, most of its gross. My friends kiddingly accuse me of being anorexic, i don't believe i am, not yet anyway. I still eat, but only stuff i know that's good for me, and very small amounts.
My sister and I fly to Melbourne to visit my cousins soon. My mum went to visit them earlier this year, and came back saying how thin my cousin looked. Now, i love my cousins, one of them is 18 now, and let me tell you, he's amazing. My other cousin, his sister, is spoilt rotten. I love her, but i also love competing with her. I've always been the thin one, but last time i visited, she was thinner than me. My competitive streak, whilst not very evident on the surface, is huge. I just feel like if im not best, i haven't tried hard enough. I doesn't matter what it is, whether its grades, a race, anything. That's why i love ballet so much i suppose. Not only do i love the dancing, and the feeling of being free that accompanies it, but i also love the feeling of control. You can be the best ballet dancer in the world, and you still have to work at every step, every exercise, because if you don't have it, you work at it until you get it. When you get it, you work like hell to keep it.
Anyway, it's eighteen days until i fly to see them. And i want them to see the difference. I am stronger than anyone knows, i have a goal, i stick to it. Last week i was hideously sick, i had a fever for three days straight, and since then, iv gone from 49kgs to 45.5kgs. My plan? I'm going to get down to at least 43kgs before i leave.
I also want to see the look on my friends faces when i go back to school next year and they see how much i've changed. I also got a new haircut next week, i love it, and its also completely different. If it takes resorting to my old habits of ana to get there, so be it.
I will be thin, i will be perfect.
Stay Strong
Xx. Lillie
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